This week my m's toggled between muddled and misanthrope. Remember those hopeful m's from last week? Those m's were gonna get us through and we'd be #AllInThisTogether! Except, to be frank the only thing those m's made me think about was more m's....then chocolate - which was not especially helpful, as we have none in the house (by the end of this post, you may come to the conclusion that this chocolateness is solely responsible for all my issues and I may not disagree with you. And the probability is high that by the time I hit 'publish', chocolate will have been obtained).
To recap/intro: the m's (which I appropriated from some nice psychologist on the radio) are the four (supposedly helpful) conditions we can explore while staying at home.
Mastery : being creative or learning something new -not stressing ourselves out with unrealistic goals, but rather, being joyful in our creativity
Mindfulness : meditation or breath observation, for example
Moving our bodies : walks/runs/treadmills/yoga/aerobics/stretching
Mental health (this is the m I couldn't remember exactly, but it seems to fit in nicely with the others and is most pertinent to my current reality): connecting with friends via phone/Zoom or seeing a therapist
My fourth m really took a nosedive recently. That cute kid we heard from in these very pages last week: I yelled at her. Via text. Ugh. I'm not going to call her out, just myself. She didn't do a certain thing I needed her to do. I got irrationally angry and sent two very long texts (she was on the phone with a friend and I didn't want to embarrass her by scolding in public) which were words I should have said more lovingly, in person. #Misanthrope. There were tears and hugs and professions of accountability from both of us, but not my finest Amma moment. Other examples: unwarranted eye rolls adjacent to the mouthy grocery clerk and wanting to punch a gas pump until my knuckles bled because the receipt roll was out (yes, I still print receipts at the pump, what's it to you? Just back up! And if I hear a single "Ok, Boomer...", I swear to....).
#Muddled : I mean do I even have to? I'll just hit some highlights: where are my keys? Oh yeah, in the freezer, obvi. Is that when we were meeting? These aren't technically pajama bottoms...and this is a liquor store, so quit judging! (maybe this example fits better under misanthrope. Except I didn't remember I was wearing the not-quite-pajama bottoms when I ran out of the house, so there's that...). Wondering if Cream of Wheat is ok for dinner. Trying to open the garage door by pressing the interior car light button, then becoming angry that this method isn't working. Buying Halo Top instead of real ice cream and then flipping out because we don't have ice cream - which is a food I don't even eat but twice a year (this is not a virtue, ice cream just makes my teeth hurt. And don't talk to me about letting it melt...you are not helping). That last example is muddled misanthrope, isn't it?
So that's it. No wise words from sweet children. No exhortations, nor calls to do, well, anything. Just saying: I'm here with you - cranky, missing keys, pajama bottoms, and all. But things are looking up: now I have the chocolate :)
