Let's Talk Dirty......

As I mentioned earlier, I'm not a terribly neat person.  And I believe there is a direct correlation between being a bit messy and happy, creative children.  This is one of my goals as a parent: that my children be happy.  Hopefully they'll be able to feed themselves, have a roof over their heads, become productive and giving members of society....and laugh often.  (I'm interested to see if my theory bears out in practice once my kids start applying to colleges/jobs/internships...or if I'm just a huge proponent of a theory until I have to apply it to my own life! Stay tuned)

But often I struggle with being messy.  My people conduct their lives using a host of rituals centered around cleanliness.  Now, I can't speak for all 1 billion on the sub-continent, nor the diaspora, but I'll tell you my personal experience.  Some of the rules with which I grew up:  clip finger and toe nails over a garbage can and never, ever leave them around the house, bathe daily in the morning, eliminate your bowels in the morning, eat food with your right hand (the left is used only for cleaning up after using the toilet), hand money to people only with your right hand, and never wear shoes inside the home (have dedicated indoor slippers which are never worn outside), for example.

Ahhhhh, but messiness.  By dear friend B (you'll get to know all my precious girlfriends eventually) is directly responsible for helping me embrace the messy more firmly and incorporate it in my parenting theory and practice.  Encouraging my children to get their hands dirty in the garden, planting with their father, exhorting them to cover innumerable pages with water colors and pencil scribblings,  laughing as I watched them dance in the rain.  Yes, yes,  yes, sometimes it's a complete pain.  I screamed when I found permanent marker on the walls or paint on the carpet.  But B and others talked me down off the ledge.

So that's the external messiness.  But I think learning to explore and manage the internal messiness is important too.  Digging deep to explore feelings and thoughts.  Being able to express those feelings and thoughts and delving into how to cope with them.  Understanding that life is messiness - ambiguities and multiple realities - and learning how to hold those gently and with patience, I believe goes a long way in leading a fabulous, authentic, and healthy life.  I need to remind myself of these facts as I attempt to reconcile the messy Desi (Indian) in me with all the pieces of the complicated person I am.